Blessings in Disguise

I am blessed.

And for my great God I dedicate to write this one.

That was Monday noon. The sky was grey as covered by a blanket of heavy nimbus clouds ready anytime to burst. We were having a good time—me and my friends. It’s a housewarming I attended. And as usual I came punctually with the basis that they had not yet started the ritual until I arrived.

Ok, I was late but by an excuse. And though not thoroughly announced, I appreciated them for waiting. They have been very tolerant with me in many ways.

It’s a good feeling surrounded by friends regardless of the weather; regardless of the timing. 

When I was young I would dream as if life would never end. I knew I can encompass infinity. My lifetime then was not time bound. Now,  I am in my mid-life and have been hit by a really heart wrenching ailment. Life is short, I realized.

Let me tell you.

I’ve owed my past—thru pain and injury I inflicted to my fellows and myself. And now at a reflective angle—I am paying my debt. I don’t have any excuse to grumble.  Bright side is, I am paying. Not everyone who is in debt is able to recompense. It’s a lesson I have to take; and consequences I ought to bear. 

I am a product of many chances.  Count my many failures and mistakes and figure out why I am still on a tight grip with hope. Ultimately it's because my God loves me. And He has blessed me with a circle of forgiving family and friends.

I can remember when I was still able to enjoy the luxury of easily standing up, sitting down, lying down, bending, walking, running, jumping, and laughing out loud until they were robbed from me. Oh, here I go again with my scapegoat which is as lame as I am. No they weren’t robbed. That’s so accusing, I’m sorry.  Most of you know I took my health for granted. And it has just taken its toll on me. From a hyperactive guy; down to an almost bedridden patient. From 80+ kilos down to just 60. That’s good news for someone who intentionally wishes to rid out excess weight. But for me I felt that each gram that I lose equals to a unit of fervor in life that goes away.

I sought for help. 12 doctors. 5 hospitals. 3 priests. 4 quack doctors. 20 health-related websites now bookmarked in my browser. And some really close friends.

It’s a series of events fractionally coming in. In random order, trials occurred. I lost my second job. My savings thinned until to nothing. Right foot resisted to walk. Lower back stiffed and couldn’t bend. My protégées I ceased to assist. No more TV in the dining area. Minus one refrigerator in the kitchen. Unpaid bills. And I had a strong feeling it’s not over yet.

The little money I spared was gone. The only business I rely on was on the verge of getting seriously ill too. With such anxiety—I considered giving up. I was so close to isolating myself from the public’s eyes. I was ashamed— and why wouldn’t I be? I had been giving advices on how to achieve a good life.  Many believed in me. Yet, look at me now. I failed them. I embarrassed myself.

Time passed by—what happened?

It helped me. Fear led me to fuse a prayer with every breath that I take in and out.

More worries. More prayers. Until I became more aware of the blessings which I previously left unnoticed. Now I need not more worries to pray. I just needed more awareness so as not to solely plead but more so, to pray with sense of gratitude. He has purified me. And He continues to do so.

Look at me now. And look at things this way.

Things have been rough and tough.  But in paradox everything that transpired is good. True friends emerged. And I am so glad that there are so many of them. It’s all part of his loving yet mysterious plan. As Rev. Fr. Harold beautifully puts it in one of his facebook posts: “we can only be ourselves” During these trying times, I discovered myself—the trusting one. And I am confident I cannot be less than that. Human nature, I was afraid and shaken but I would always try to rise up. Again I cannot be less than that.

I am touched whenever I receive messages from people that I am ensured with a prayer from them. I borrowed money from five friends. Five out of five lent (and pledged to lend) me. I did not tell them that they made a tough and risky move to have trusted me during this time. (and I bet they’ve read this line twice. Hohoho!) 

Ok let's say that not all things and people had been good. But you don’t need in depth proficiency in Mathematics in order to know that there are more good people than not. And you don’t need to see to believe that they are just blessings in disguise.

By the way, our business center has relocated to a bigger and better place. Renamed after its roots. 

Still a TV in the bedroom. (A more compact space for a family to bond.)

I have Sofia and Kristine. (Ah, heaven!)

Old friends remained. (Because I can't afford to lose anyone.)

New friends acquired. (Good news!)

Family closely knitted. (Everyday dream come true)

Hope enflamed.

This period of trials is enlightening. I may lose my two feet and yes even my entire mobility and still live a full life... but no...  not my faith in God.